WASHINGTON, DC - Santa Claus has requested a $14 million federal bailout to avoid a crash which could cancel Christmas.

WASHINGTON, DC – President Bush’s unlucky week continued as another shoe wielding reporter attacked him at an intergalactic press junket.

CHICAGO, IL - President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration travel plans are harkening back to a time earlier than any had predicted.

WASHINGTON, DC - President-Elect Obama asserted influence this weekend, advising President Bush on which holiday choir to pick for the White House - and they’re aliens!

Obatma rejoices over Clinton’s nomination for Secretary of State position: the Bureau of Mutant Affairs is his!

WASHINGTON, DC – Phd Ape had more work to do after the Alaska Senate race finally ended yesterday.

WASHINGTON, DC - Vice President Dick Cheney has announced that he is a Vampire. Holding a press conference in the hours before dawn, Cheney stated, “I am an Undead-American.”

SMITHDALE, VA - Since their defeat on Election Day, Republicans have questioned what will be the new direction of their party.

STAMFORD, CT – In the midst of helping John McCain grieve, PhD Ape took a red-eye flight Monday night to be with Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman.

WASHINGTON, DC - In a shocking reversal, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain.