I’m madder than Jesse Ventura with a busted microphone about that idiot Al Franken. It’s bad enough America picked a commie President with a crazy name, but now Minnesota went and made some potty mouth “comedian” a senator.

My America, the America I know and love has been in a coma. For too long it has been asleep at the wheel… the wheel of a foreign-made car. It’s time to wake up and tell the rest of the world to GET OFF OUR LAWN!!!

Legendary Weekly World News columnist Ed Anger has suffered a debilitating break down brought on by the election results.

I’m madder than a tomcat with his tail in a light socket over the bleeding-heart demand for outlawing capital punishment.

I’m madder than Richard Petty with a flat tire over all the talk about lowering the speed limit on the U.S. highways. Just a few years ago we were able to move the speed limit up to 70 m.p.h. but now some Nervous Nellies want to push it back to 55 m.p.h.

I’m madder than a schoolteacher with a rotten apple over the big hubbub about kids cheating in school. A government study that just came out says 70 percent - seven of 10 - high school students fessed up that they cheat on tests. Thank heavens, I say!

I’m madder than a rooster in an empty hen house at Internet spammers and I won’t take it anymore. Those creeps clutter up my e-mail with their junk, everything from penis enlargement pills to some lady telling me she’ll give me a million dollars if I’ll help her get her money out of Africa.

…and not delivering them! I’m madder than a surgeon with a rusty scalpel - I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found the old sawbones I’ve been going to for 40 years had hung up his stethoscope - and his replacement was a woman.

I was as happy as Joe Biden at a Hair Club for Men conference to see Sarah Palin crush Joe Biden in the VP debate last week. Sarah had me at “Hey, can I call you Joe?” It didn’t help that Joe-Tox had a look of surprise frozen on his face from the Botox and his recent eyelift.

I’m madder than A-Rod’s wife at a day-long Madonna concert. Can someone please explain to me why a Barack Obama presidency would be good for you and me? Me? I don’t get it.