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JUNGLE ROOT CANAL

By DICK SIEGEL

T’CHALLA, Bundolo Republic — Deep in the heart of equatorial Africa, a lone bushman faces the rigors of his unusual trade.

“Basic dental care is nonexistent on the veldt,” orthodontist Dr. Nog M’kumba told Weekly World News.  “Over generations, many lions have broken incisors on tough hides. Overconfident cheetahs trip and crack their bicuspids. With so many predators forced to gum their meals, the ecological balance is tipped as the hunters starve.”

To restore the natural order, Dr. M’kumba makes his rounds during the dry season when it’s too hot for animals to move.   Dr. M’kumba then uses jungle know-how to create braces for the cubs and dentures for the adults.

“First, I cut tree bark into tiny strips,” he explained.  “Then I use mud and vines to bond it in place.  Once hardened, the braces or false teeth are flexible enough to allow basic tearing and ripping.”

Because he’s been so successful with the killers, Dr. M’kumba plans to expand his practice to give the prey a chance.

“Let me tell you, it takes a lot of peanuts to distract an elephant while you drill his tusk,” the orthodontist revealed.