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RADIOACTIVE MONEY IS USED TO SPY ON INSURGENTS!

By JIM GRAND

BAGHDAD, Iraq — When Saddam’s face was removed from Iraqi currency and new bills were issued, not all the money was as innocent as it appeared.

“With the help of the American CIA, we put tiny, radioactive fibers in special bills,” said an anonymous source named ‘Tariq’ at the Iraqi mint. “These were given to suspected insurgents so that we could follow the money whenever it changed hands. Now we know exactly when it’s used to buy weapons from Iran or Syria.”

 Tariq said that the money is monitored from a secret room in the heavily fortified Green Zone.

“Each of the ‘hot’ bills shows up as a tiny blip on our monitors,” he said. “As soon as one of them passes from Iraq, we close in on whoever is spending the money.

“Our surveillance gives new meaning to ‘Dinar is served!’” he added.