By Chuck Lee
After opening a popular Chinese restaurant in Manhattan, Chuck Lee discovered that eating large amounts of hot mustard enabled him to foretell the future. Chuck has consented to share his remarkable predictions in a weekly column.
2008 CHICAGO, Ill. — Because offices frown on workers wearing flip-flops, shoe stores sell a new brand of footwear that has tops with retractable sides. Because they aren't as revealing, businesses allow people to wear these flip-flaps.
2009 PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Due to all the scrapes and bruises children suffer from riding bicycles, the newest models are installed with seatbelts to prevent riders from falling off.
2010 PROVIDENCE, R.I. — The new ‘safety bicycles’ are recalled after falls and collisions result in even more injuries because the rider is never thrown clear but becomes tangled in the bike. One victim even became trapped in the handlebar basket, which he described as “like going to hell.”
2011 PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Bicycle stores seek to recover from that commercial setback by selling a musical two-wheeler that has piano keys on the handlebars, allowing aspiring musicians to practice while they ride. Because of its ingenious design, riders are able to use the same pedals for cycling and playing.
2012 PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Even though piano bikes are praised for their ability to make sharp turns, they're discontinued when too many riders experience flats.
2013 BOSTON, Mass. — Houseware stores sell new dishes with a retro caveman design. These plates and saucers are made of various types of rock that are all aesthetically pleasing and ensure that they don't break when dropped. Millions of people are grateful for these long-lasting ‘tectonic plates.’
2014 NEW MILFORD, Conn. — One positive side effect of global warming is that children no longer fall victim to frostbite during the winter. Because of the increased temperature, the Children’s Health Study Center reports that they suffer from a milder form called ‘frostnibble.’
2015 MANHATTAN, N.Y. — Among the many changes to the Earth's climate caused by global warming, cities experience powerful winds that blow nonstop in the same direction. Workers turn these air currents to their advantage by stepping into their paths and riding them to work.
Many praise the development, which makes their commute ‘a breeze.’
2016 DES MOINES, Iowa — Environmentalists discover that certain kinds of vegetables actually lower the surrounding temperature within a five-square-foot area. To combat global warming, they suggest that farmers begin planting iceberg lettuce all over the world.
2017 CLEVELAND, Ohio — Tired of the preferential treatment that dogs receive in popular culture, feline lovers attempt to insert more references to cats in everyday language. They begin by insisting that the coldest day in winter be called a ‘cat day afternoon.’
2018 INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. — Psychologists pool their resources to try and answer the age-old question of whether the glass is actually half full or half empty. After two years of intensive research, study and debate, fifty percent came to the conclusion that glasses are, in fact, half-full.
2019 HOUSTON, Texas — Although there is a massive amount of information available on the Internet, historians regard most of it as confusing and contradictory. Because of this, they all agree to refer to the new era as the Misinformation Age.
2020 WASHINGTON D.C. — Hoping that it will inspire Americans to eat better and exercise more, the federal government only allows foreigners who are physically fit to live in the country. Americans' overall health improves thanks to these ‘slimmigration’ laws.
2021 LONDON, England — British carmakers discover that crenulated parts are much more efficient than the smoother kind. This leads to the creation of the English Muffler.
2022 WASHINGTON D.C. — Due to the need for more troops in the Middle East and other trouble spots around the globe, the United States military devises a quicker training program to get new recruits into the fray as soon as possible. Before being shipped out, enlisted personnel only have to endure a week of ‘slipper camp.’
2023 LOS ANGELES, Calif. — As the desire for more potent prescription drugs increases, drug stores have to offer the public more immediate access to their supplies. To make medicines more readily available, drive-thru pharmacies with hypodermic pumps are established.
2024 TRENTON, N.J. — Therapists become aware of a new type of optimism taking hold of the public, in which people anticipate a large burst of sweetness to suddenly enter their lives. Not wanting them to be too disappointed, doctors train to offer more realistic expectations to these ‘pezimists.’