NEW ‘SPORTS’ SENSATION SWEEPING SOME NATIONS
By WADE BARKER
GILA BEND, Ariz. — After years of planning, millions of dollars and thousands of animal-hours, the brainchild of concert promoter and entrepreneur Tracy Millington has become an entertainment phenomenon.“It’s amazing, it’s colossal, it’s World Wildlife Wrestling!” he proudly proclaimed. “Animal protection agencies wouldn’t sit still for beasts really battling each other in a steel cage, and spectators certainly wouldn’t risk their safety by witnessing natural combat in the wild. That got me thinking.”
The inventive impresario is apparently dangerous when he thinks.
“In my initial talent searches, I found poor animal performers retired from various television shows and movies,” Millington explained. “These guys were already experienced actors, and I needed stars that would attract customers, so that’s when the light bulb went on over my head.”
Professional wrestling is well known to be scripted entertainment, and with so many performing animals retired or out of work, Millington had hit upon a winning formula.
“So now we have one of the polar bears from Lost grappling in a cell with a stunt bear from Gentle Ben. We have monkeys from the TV show Friends and all the international jungle movies as tag teams in a ladder match, a lion from a Born Free remake versus the tiger from Octopussy in a ‘King of the Jungle’ match, and even a komodo dragon from Babel versus an electric eel from a Jackie Chan flick in a ‘liquid inferno match.’ You should see it!”
Unfortunately, anyone who wants to do so will have a tough time if their address is in the contiguous United States.
“Right now, we’re a huge hit in most of Asia, Africa, certain areas of Eastern Europe and Mexico,” Millington said. “And, man, they’re crazy for us in South America. But North America? That still remains the dream for most of our cast.
“We’re hoping to make inroads into this market via a pay-per-view special called Ruff and Tumble Smackdown: the Fur Flies featuring celebrity dogs and cats,” Millington maintained. “Morris, Benji and a bunch of others are already onboard. I’m certain that once the U.S. audience sees us in action, we’ll become a fixture here.
“And if anyone cries ‘animal cruelty,’” Millington said, “all I can say is what’s worse: allowing animals to have fun doing what animals do, or depriving Clarence the Cross-Eyed Lion of work as an emcee?”