SKOKIE, IN - Weekly World News has uncovered the extraterrestrial origins of Rock Band 2.

PALM SPRINGS, FL – Continuing a terrible holiday season, Bernard Madoff was banned from Hanukkah celebrations with his family, causing him to spend the first day with an unlikely Jew – The Alien!

TOKYO, JAPAN – Just days before Christmas, evidence has been found that exposes an alien plot to destroy the Earth and enslave mankind – using toys!

WASHINGTON, DC – President Bush’s unlucky week continued as another shoe wielding reporter attacked him at an intergalactic press junket.

LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.

WASHINGTON, DC - President-Elect Obama asserted influence this weekend, advising President Bush on which holiday choir to pick for the White House - and they’re aliens!

HOUSTON, TX – Billionaire energy mogul T. Boone Pickens has announced a revolutionary alien technology as the next step in the campaign for US energy independence.

CNN spoke with SETI scientists trying to listen for alien communication. Don’t they know they’re already here?

NEW HAVEN, CT - Astronomers have announced that Jupiter and Venus will shine unusually brightly during a conjunction tonight.

NEW YORK, NY – With the economy continuing its roller-coaster ride this week, retailers are expecting a different type of crowd.