An E.T. Gobbled my Laundry

…and then threw up all over my backyard, says Florida waitress!

FORT MYERS, Fla. — A 54-year-old waitress says a space alien with huge black eyes and a hideous rectangular mouth ate two washer loads of clothes right off her line!
And while Rachel Trainer’s allegation might seem bizarre, consider this: Investigators confirm that a UFO was spotted in the area a few minutes before more than $650 worth of shirts, dresses, sheets and towels vanished from the woman’s back yard — clothespins and all.
“I hardly know what to make of it,” said UFO investigator Richard Lawrence.
“My assistants and I found pencil-thin footprints all over the place and the few articles of clothes that remained on Mrs. Trainer’s line were riddled with holes.
“We also discovered two rather large deposits of vomit and received dozens of calls from people who claim to have seen a UFO fly over Mrs. Trainer’s neighborhood before her clothes vanished.
“We’re still investigating at this point. But the evidence we have certainly seems to indicate the woman had a close encounter with an extraterrestrial being.”
Mrs. Trainer said the mind-numbing drama began after she hung out her clothes at a mobile home park south of here on the morning of March 7. As she started back into her trailer, she heard a strange “whirring” noise overhead.
When she looked up, she said, she saw a silver UFO that resembled two dinner plates joined together at their rims.
The starship vanished an instant later.
But when Mrs. Trainer turned to run, she came face-to-face with a rail-thin, 4-foot-tall alien that paralyzed her with a glare from his large, onyx-black eyes.
“I tried to yell and I tried to run, but I couldn’t move a muscle,” she said. “The next thing I knew, that creature was eating the clothes off my line like they were snacks on a party table.”
When the alien finished eating, it took a few steps and threw up violently, Mrs. Trainer said.
“After a few more seconds, it thew up again. Then it began to spin like a top and vanished into thin air. When the creature disappeared, I was free to move and I called for help, pronto,” she added.
“Everybody thought I was crazy until they saw the footprints and vomit.”
Lawrence said his investigation hinges on analysis of the vomit, which may contain gastric chemicals that would prove it came from an alien life-form.